I'm sure many of you remember reading about the horrific rapes and murders of Tennessee residents Channon Christian and Christopher Newsom in the spring of 2007. Well, after many delays and court hearings, the first trial of a main defendant is
set to commence on August 11th.
George Thomas, the only male defendant whom there appears to be no DNA evidence linking him the the crime, filed a motion for a speedy trial in April, and that motion was granted this past May. I wonder what's happening to him in the Tennessee jail he's currently being held at?
I can't imagine the DNA evidence (or lack thereof) will get him off, as the DA still has Vanessa Coleman's confession placing him at the home the crimes were committed at - but who knows, I'm not a lawyer, and more I've seen more fucked up shit than this. I'll keep you all posted as to the outcome in August.
Trial dates for the remaining defendants are as follows:
Latalvis Cobbins: January 26, 2009.
Vanessa Coleman: April 13, 2009.
Lemaricus Davidson: June 22, 2009.
Eric Boyd, who was tried only as an accessory in the case, has already been found guilty and is awaiting sentencing.
Friday, June 13, 2008
New lease on life!
Well, my goal was to have graduated from college before turning thirty (which happens next month!), and not only have I done that, but I've actually begun a career.
I'm working at the United States Department of Justice, Office of the Inspector General in Denver, Colorado. I've only been there a week, but I really like it so far. Most of my co-workers are around the same age as I (give or take a few years), and they all seem pretty cool. Hopefully at least one will be up for going to the DAM every now and then!
The job will have its moments, I'm sure, but it really sounds like a dream come true for me. Basically, the office of the IG acts as a watchdog (or fact checker) for other government agencies. Recent audits have included topics ranging from grant spending (common) to human trafficking (interesting).
Next month I'm off to Washington DC for some extensive training in the type of audits I'll be performing. DC won't be much better in July than Houston, but at least I'm used to it. Perhaps Colorado will have a heat wave at the time so I won't be so homesick. But, I'm looking forward to it like crazy... can't believe someone is going to pay me to go to Washington. Smithsonian, here I come!
The commute from Fort Collins to Denver is over 120 miles round trip, so I can't wait to move to Denver - one month to go! I'll be living right in Capitol Hill, and my commute to work will be cut from 120 miles to three blocks. Rock! It's also an awesome part of Denver in which to live... just blocks away from the DAM, the library, a couple parks and the river walk. This'll be the first time in my life to ever live right in the heart of a city, and I can't wait to start!
Anyway, that's what's going on with me... drop me a line and let me know what's going on with you!
I'm working at the United States Department of Justice, Office of the Inspector General in Denver, Colorado. I've only been there a week, but I really like it so far. Most of my co-workers are around the same age as I (give or take a few years), and they all seem pretty cool. Hopefully at least one will be up for going to the DAM every now and then!
The job will have its moments, I'm sure, but it really sounds like a dream come true for me. Basically, the office of the IG acts as a watchdog (or fact checker) for other government agencies. Recent audits have included topics ranging from grant spending (common) to human trafficking (interesting).
Next month I'm off to Washington DC for some extensive training in the type of audits I'll be performing. DC won't be much better in July than Houston, but at least I'm used to it. Perhaps Colorado will have a heat wave at the time so I won't be so homesick. But, I'm looking forward to it like crazy... can't believe someone is going to pay me to go to Washington. Smithsonian, here I come!
The commute from Fort Collins to Denver is over 120 miles round trip, so I can't wait to move to Denver - one month to go! I'll be living right in Capitol Hill, and my commute to work will be cut from 120 miles to three blocks. Rock! It's also an awesome part of Denver in which to live... just blocks away from the DAM, the library, a couple parks and the river walk. This'll be the first time in my life to ever live right in the heart of a city, and I can't wait to start!
Anyway, that's what's going on with me... drop me a line and let me know what's going on with you!
Friday, January 18, 2008
I Heart Oconomowoc!
As most of you know, I took the long route to a college graduation. I worked for nearly a decade in Houston, Texas, and for the last couple years I attended Houston Community College at night, earning my AA in 2006. I completed my bachelor's degree at Colorado State University in 2007 (this past December). Needless to say, it's been a busy few years!Now that I've finished, I find myself not entirely ready to make a decision as to what direction to go next.
Do I get my Masters Degree? Go to Law School? Or, do I just get a job I expect will be long term? Well, I just don't know. I must admit that at nearly thirty years old it would be nice to have some sort of direction in life, but a clear path has yet to present itself. In part to delay the decision making process, I decided to take a trip back to someplace I hadn't been in nearly fifteen years: Oconomowoc, Wisconsin, the place I grew up. I dropped Rajah off for boarding on January 7th, and headed North East...back home.
I drove North through Wyoming, then East though the entire beautiful state of Nebraska, which I don't remember ever having been through before.
While Eastward bound I only spent one full day in Estherville, leaving Wednesday morning to head to Wisconsin! I drove up and through the Southern portion of Minnesota, then back down along the Mississippi...and finally over into my home state. It was so great to be back. Paneled houses, rolling hills and red barns everywhere. Wisconsin kicks ass. As far as wildlife, I saw a bald eagle and (not so wild) two camels kept on a farm in Eastern Iowa. Strange pet, but to each their own.
At about 4pm I saw it...the exit for Oconomowoc. Woohoo, I was home!
Damn, my life was pretty perfect up until age 10 (when we moved)! This was a great place to grow up - and it would have been a great place to stay, considering how the property value has risen. Our house sold for under $100,000 twenty years ago, and the listing for one up for sale right now is a quarter million. Also, it looks like that's about the lowest you can find something for in Oconomowoc; can't get anything on the lakes for under $1.5 million. Dang, Oconomowoc! I didn't know you had it in you!
I also love Milwaukee's way of introducing dinosaurs to children - a Tyrannosaur,
My trip to Wisconsin was more about places than people...a contemplative trip, as my Aunt put it. I did see my Mom's best friend Bonnie, which was great.
I have started watching the real estate sites for Oconomowoc...I sure do love Colorado, but Wisconsin is a state I'd love to live in again one day. The people in the Midwest are nicer than anywhere in the country, and it's got the laid back attitude I love so much. Nothing wrong with that!
For those few of you who have the time and money, I highly recommend taking a trip by yourself, for yourself should the opportunity ever present itself. Of all I've done over the years, this last week was one of the best experiences of my life, and I'll never forget it. Get out there, people!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
YA Fiction: A hundred and thirty seven reasons to kill yourself
Well, it's official: as a child, I was retarded.
I liked Kristy, Claudia, Stacey and Mary Anne, but I loved and adored Elizabeth and Jessica. Ladies in my age range, you know who they are - the Wakefield twins of Sweet Valley, California. That admirable pair, with their 'sun-streaked blond hair and perfect size six figures,' were the stars of Sweet Valley High. Oh, also Sweet Valley Twins, Sweet Valley Kids, Sweet Valley High: Senior Year, Sweet Valley University, Junior High, Team Sweet Valley, The Unicorns, and Elizabeth. Do you have any idea how many school dances that is?
These bitches would have hated me. Well, Jessica would have - Elizabeth may have made me into one of her weekly 'projects' in which I'd be cured of my non-size-six figure and brown hair, after which she'd be congratulated and I'd never be heard from again. Not even in a Gay McKay secondary character kind of way (I'm a better poet than Liz).
So why did we like them so much? I mean, seriously, these books were hugely popular everywhere I lived (Wisconsin, California and Texas). I was all up in the B. Dalton or WaldenBooks on the 15th of every month, when the newest installment would come out. Along with millions of other pre-teens, I devoured these books.
In part, I still credit the series for my love of reading - they did get me excited about books at eight or nine years old. It's just too bad that I was excited to read the adventures of a sociopath floozy and her hypocrite, enabling sister. Not exactly great role models. Add to that, Francine Pascal and her army of ghost writers never failed to remind us that being blond is great, wearing glasses is nerdy and being fat (anything over a size six) is reason enough to kill yourself.
I'm not going to bother getting into the absolute absurdity of the plots - as Moe once said to Homer, "That's the stupidest story I've ever heard, and I've read the entire Sweet Valley High series." A quick example: One whole book revolves around Rosa, who is ashamed to admit to the rest of the SVH gang that she's Mexican - and yes, these books were supposed to take place in SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. Apparently the (presumably) adult ghostwriters were even more retarded than I was at age twelve.
Anyway, for all the new moms out there - are you eager to find a way to let your young girls know that they are worthless unless they're thin, blond and mentally retarded?
"OK!" Great news! The Sweet Valley High series is being re-released in 2008! That's right, I guess Francine Pascal has blown through all her money from the original run (seventy years of hair bleach and sweater/scarf sets that almost match can't be cheap) and has decided to inflict her "creative" bile on a whole new generation of young girls. Luckily, girls today have much better role models to idolize: Britney Spears and that Kardashian whore, for example. By the way, here's a picture of Francine, probably taken somewhere around Secca Lake. Is anyone surprised that the bitch is (kind of) thin and blond? She could totally be mistaken for the twins' great grandmother.
How did this idea get the green light? Even through my own considerable retardation I was able to call bullshit on these plotlines...are pre-teens today really going to jump at the chance to read about a bunch of teenage virgins who cry at the mention of beer or marijuana? Doubtful. Seriously, by the end of the series the twins were fighting werewolves and fending off crazy look-alike serial killers. Even Survivor is more realistic than what went on in and around Casa Wakefield.
Case in point: I was at Subway the other day, waiting patiently for my Veggie Delite sub
(oh, I could totally go for one of those right now), shamelessly eavesdropping on a group of pre-teens behind me. One of these ridiculous morons was loudly bragging about the fact that "the prostitution charges" against her had been dropped. Her sidekick (I think her name was Lois Waller) chimed in, "yeah, because you're under age." What the fuck?!?! Jessica Wakefield could legitimately pass judgement on these people. And sidenote, why do that shit in public? I mean, clearly you want attention, but WTF? "Oooh, you whore yourself out? HIGH FIVE!" Anyway, this is not exactly the generation to be shocked by Miller's point.
Nice try, Pascal, but your days of making young girls feel like shit are over. I hope.
Coming up: My love for The Girls Next Door and my hate for everything else on the E! Channel. I'm sure my pre-teen love for the Wakefields has nothing whatsoever to do with my current love for these three blondes. Nothing at all.
I liked Kristy, Claudia, Stacey and Mary Anne, but I loved and adored Elizabeth and Jessica. Ladies in my age range, you know who they are - the Wakefield twins of Sweet Valley, California. That admirable pair, with their 'sun-streaked blond hair and perfect size six figures,' were the stars of Sweet Valley High. Oh, also Sweet Valley Twins, Sweet Valley Kids, Sweet Valley High: Senior Year, Sweet Valley University, Junior High, Team Sweet Valley, The Unicorns, and Elizabeth. Do you have any idea how many school dances that is?
These bitches would have hated me. Well, Jessica would have - Elizabeth may have made me into one of her weekly 'projects' in which I'd be cured of my non-size-six figure and brown hair, after which she'd be congratulated and I'd never be heard from again. Not even in a Gay McKay secondary character kind of way (I'm a better poet than Liz).So why did we like them so much? I mean, seriously, these books were hugely popular everywhere I lived (Wisconsin, California and Texas). I was all up in the B. Dalton or WaldenBooks on the 15th of every month, when the newest installment would come out. Along with millions of other pre-teens, I devoured these books.
In part, I still credit the series for my love of reading - they did get me excited about books at eight or nine years old. It's just too bad that I was excited to read the adventures of a sociopath floozy and her hypocrite, enabling sister. Not exactly great role models. Add to that, Francine Pascal and her army of ghost writers never failed to remind us that being blond is great, wearing glasses is nerdy and being fat (anything over a size six) is reason enough to kill yourself.I'm not going to bother getting into the absolute absurdity of the plots - as Moe once said to Homer, "That's the stupidest story I've ever heard, and I've read the entire Sweet Valley High series." A quick example: One whole book revolves around Rosa, who is ashamed to admit to the rest of the SVH gang that she's Mexican - and yes, these books were supposed to take place in SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA. Apparently the (presumably) adult ghostwriters were even more retarded than I was at age twelve.
Anyway, for all the new moms out there - are you eager to find a way to let your young girls know that they are worthless unless they're thin, blond and mentally retarded?
"OK!" Great news! The Sweet Valley High series is being re-released in 2008! That's right, I guess Francine Pascal has blown through all her money from the original run (seventy years of hair bleach and sweater/scarf sets that almost match can't be cheap) and has decided to inflict her "creative" bile on a whole new generation of young girls. Luckily, girls today have much better role models to idolize: Britney Spears and that Kardashian whore, for example. By the way, here's a picture of Francine, probably taken somewhere around Secca Lake. Is anyone surprised that the bitch is (kind of) thin and blond? She could totally be mistaken for the twins' great grandmother.How did this idea get the green light? Even through my own considerable retardation I was able to call bullshit on these plotlines...are pre-teens today really going to jump at the chance to read about a bunch of teenage virgins who cry at the mention of beer or marijuana? Doubtful. Seriously, by the end of the series the twins were fighting werewolves and fending off crazy look-alike serial killers. Even Survivor is more realistic than what went on in and around Casa Wakefield.
Case in point: I was at Subway the other day, waiting patiently for my Veggie Delite sub
(oh, I could totally go for one of those right now), shamelessly eavesdropping on a group of pre-teens behind me. One of these ridiculous morons was loudly bragging about the fact that "the prostitution charges" against her had been dropped. Her sidekick (I think her name was Lois Waller) chimed in, "yeah, because you're under age." What the fuck?!?! Jessica Wakefield could legitimately pass judgement on these people. And sidenote, why do that shit in public? I mean, clearly you want attention, but WTF? "Oooh, you whore yourself out? HIGH FIVE!" Anyway, this is not exactly the generation to be shocked by Miller's point. Nice try, Pascal, but your days of making young girls feel like shit are over. I hope.
Coming up: My love for The Girls Next Door and my hate for everything else on the E! Channel. I'm sure my pre-teen love for the Wakefields has nothing whatsoever to do with my current love for these three blondes. Nothing at all.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Can I just defend Fred Thompson for a moment?
Disclaimer: I am a registered member of the Democratic party.
Ok, to all the idiots who are bitching about the fact that Fred Thompson announced his candidacy on The Tonight Show...shut the fuck up.
Elections today are all pomp and circumstance, and politicians have to find the easiest and fastest way of getting their message out to millions and millions of apathetic Americans.
Think you're above this kind of announcement? Here's a quiz:
1. Who is the new Prime Minister of Great Britain?
2. Who are the nine justices currently serving on the US Supreme Court?
3. Who is the US Secretary of Defense?
4. Who is the US Secretary of State?
5. How many candidates for the presidency (republican or democrat) can you name?
Seriously, I doubt that anyone reading this blog can answer all of the above correctly - and for number five, I doubt you can name more than 10 candidates (there are more than ten on "each side", so this really isn't asking much).
If you want to complain about Thompson announcing his candidacy on a comedy show, you sure as hell better be ready to berate Edwards for the same reason - because guess where he announced his candidacy for the 2004 election? The Daily Show... a basic cable comedy program (that I happen to adore).
Politicians have to stoop because we've had the "Vote or Die" bullshit shoved down our throat for years now...Guess what, morons? The problem isn't low voter turnout....the problem is our incredibly uninformed electorate. And it is because these idiots are told that it is their patriotic duty to vote (God forbid they should pick up a fucking newspaper and actually inform themselves on the issues), politicians are left to cater to the US electorate through comedy.
Is it sad? Yes.
Is it our fault? Yes.
Hey, if you could answer all of the above questions (only 10+ on number five), you're exempt from this blog - I respect you.
And to the rest....quit your bitching. You're uninformed, you'll do what you're told, and you deserve what you get.
Ok, to all the idiots who are bitching about the fact that Fred Thompson announced his candidacy on The Tonight Show...shut the fuck up.
Elections today are all pomp and circumstance, and politicians have to find the easiest and fastest way of getting their message out to millions and millions of apathetic Americans.
Think you're above this kind of announcement? Here's a quiz:
1. Who is the new Prime Minister of Great Britain?
2. Who are the nine justices currently serving on the US Supreme Court?
3. Who is the US Secretary of Defense?
4. Who is the US Secretary of State?
5. How many candidates for the presidency (republican or democrat) can you name?
Seriously, I doubt that anyone reading this blog can answer all of the above correctly - and for number five, I doubt you can name more than 10 candidates (there are more than ten on "each side", so this really isn't asking much).
If you want to complain about Thompson announcing his candidacy on a comedy show, you sure as hell better be ready to berate Edwards for the same reason - because guess where he announced his candidacy for the 2004 election? The Daily Show... a basic cable comedy program (that I happen to adore).
Politicians have to stoop because we've had the "Vote or Die" bullshit shoved down our throat for years now...Guess what, morons? The problem isn't low voter turnout....the problem is our incredibly uninformed electorate. And it is because these idiots are told that it is their patriotic duty to vote (God forbid they should pick up a fucking newspaper and actually inform themselves on the issues), politicians are left to cater to the US electorate through comedy.
Is it sad? Yes.
Is it our fault? Yes.
Hey, if you could answer all of the above questions (only 10+ on number five), you're exempt from this blog - I respect you.
And to the rest....quit your bitching. You're uninformed, you'll do what you're told, and you deserve what you get.
Labels:
2008,
democrat,
election,
Fred Thompson,
republican
Monday, August 20, 2007
Yellowstone: The United States' First National Park
It's unbelievable, astonishing, majestic, breathtaking....insert complimentary adjective here. And, I must note, I've become quite the National Park snob since I now live 45 minutes from one of the best National Parks our great country has to offer: Rocky Mountain. Still, Yellowstone is different if for nothing but it's size. The main road is laid out in a figure eight style shape, and it takes at least three hours (assuming you're not delayed by bison on the road) to travel just one.
Since we only had three full days in the park, I quickly overcame my usual aversion to guided tours, and we spent the first day on the "Ring of Fire" trek, on which we saw bison, deer, elk, one wolf, and a bald eagle. And that's just the wildlife. Our first stops were at the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone's Upper and Lower Falls.

Save for Old Faithful, this may be the shot that Americans are most familiar with when it comes to Yellowstone. Due to a break in the river you cannot actually see both the Upper and Lower falls at the same time, so when you make it to the park be sure to make two stops. Get out, take in the falls, bust out your binocs and check for raptors along the walls of the cliff. I could have spent three days hiking around just this area.
From the falls we toured a few of the different hot springs/mud pits, and then made it to the park's #1 attraction: Old Faithful.
August in Yellowstone is a busy time, but you really can't complain when you're lucky enough to be standing right in front of what may be the most famous geological feature in the United States - and I sure didn't.
I felt tremendously lucky to be there, just as I feel tremendously lucky to live in this part of the country - I've never lived in a place so beautiful, or had such easy access to the best the United States has to offer. Yay Colorado - Yay Wyoming! Anyway, moving on... We made a few more stops on the way back up the lower loop, and were back to Canyon campground around five.
The next day we did the upper loop, making many stops along the way including one at Tower Falls (the first pic, featuring Tina). We eventually stopped for lunch in Gardiner, Montana. Yellowstone isn't entirely in Wyoming - it reaches into southern Montana
On our third and final full day we spent the morning going through the Lamar Valley, where we saw pronghorns, more bison, more deer...and a grizzly bear
This first image is of Excelsior geyser, which is so hot no bacteria can survive in it's pool. The steam you see coming off the top makes Wyoming feel just like Houston...here, however, the traffic is on foot.
It's amazingly beautiful, and something I will never forget. It's about 250' x 350', making it the largest hot spring in the park. The picture here that clearly surpasses all taken by me is from skyimagelab.com, and gives you some idea as to the grandeur of Grand Prismatic. We ended the day with feet in sand and beer in hand on the shore of Yellowstone Lake (*cough* which measures 140 square miles and is the highest alpine lake on the continent *cough*...are my random bits of trivia annoying yet?). I've never had a more enjoyable happy hour in all my life...it was warm and sunny, quiet and gorgeous. I wasn't quite ready to leave the next day, but at least I got to come back to Colorado - can't really complain about that, either.
Before I close, I'd like to recommend camping to all: at less than $20 per night, your whole stay is likely to be cheaper than one night in a hotel (they average around $150 a night). In July and August temperatures range from lows in the mid 40's to highs in the mid 80's, making camping the perfect choice. It's easy, low key and cheap - plus, who wants to be inside when you're in Yellowstone National Park?!?
Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed the pictures - and if you ever get a chance to visit Yellowstone, consider yourself very lucky...and enjoy every minute.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
What the Fuck???? My first "Top Ten"
The top ten things that make me go......"What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck?"
10. The LonelyGirl15 Finale....
Okay, aside from the usual piss poor acting, the writing in the last 12 episodes was beyond awful. Here's a tip, assholes: if you want people to tune in for the second season, you need to create some kind of likeability in the characters. You failed miserably. So Bree "dies," and that Lauren idiot is whining about why Jonah hasn't yet realized that she's the girl for him? Are you kidding me? Dammit, we just watched about 250 episodes about Bree, and have been led to believe she's dead...and now we're supposed to give a shit about this whiny bitch? Hire someone to do your writing for you, seriously. You suck, and you're number ten.
9. Julie Chen.
Considering how little we expect from news "personalities" and reality show hosts, one has to suck extra hard in order to be recognized for their ability to eat shit. Julie "But First" Chenbot has perfected the craft of suckiness - Vanilla Ice and Carlos Mencia could take lessons from her. How the hell is this dumbass on TV at all (*cough* married to the president of CBS)? Eight seasons of crap land the Chenbot at number nine.
8. Tealights.
You stupid candles piss me the fuck off. It gets dark at like nine, and maybe I'm not ready for bed four hours later. And yet you mock me and go out. Fuck you, assholes. I'll stay up as late as I want, you can't stop me. Seriously, I will throw your ass right in the trash and light up one of your friends. Actually, I won't, because I don't stay up until 5am (and what kind of loser blows out a tealight? I'll tell you what kind: the same kind that eats half a pack of M&M's, and saves the rest for "later"). You tealights are pathetic, and you come in at number eight.
7. Boxes with handles that aren't equipped to handle their load.
That's right, beer 12 packs, this one's for you. Your little handles are worthless pieces of shit. Do you know how stupid I look when I'm walking out of the store, carrying you on your stupid little handle, and then you break on me? Asshole. The only way I could look any stupider is by carrying you under your dumbass bottom with both arms, which is what I have to do. You're lucky I'm not drunk when I buy you, or you'd get the ass kicking you deserve. Number seven.
6. Jet Blue
You want to strand me in NYC with no other means of getting home? Guess what, I found a way - a flipping rental car. Too bad I live in Colorado. Partner up with another airline so your customers will have an option outside of the two you gave me: (1) wait in JFK for five days until we get you on a flight, or (2) Get a hotel in MANHATTAN AT CHRISTMAS and wait those five days. You are number six.
5. Gas prices
Yeah, maybe I should get my fat ass on my bike a bit more, but how can I do a WTF top ten in August 07 and not complain about gas prices? I hate you stupid prices, and the signs you hang out on. $5.
4. Every "journalist" who's not Jim Lehrer or Christiane Amanpour (plus a few others, Lara Logan comes to mind; use your own judgement).
Do you think we give a crap about what Nicole Richie is doing these days? No. You know who does care? The people who watch the E! Channel. You like to mock me with your stupid suits and fancy dresses...you think you're smarter than me? You're celebrity obsessed whiny assholes, and you're also number four.
3. The MySpace Top Twelve
So if I don't answer your comment/message/IM right away, I get demoted on your top twelve? Is that supposed to hurt my feelings? It actually just makes me embarrassed that I'm friends with someone as superficial as you. Pathetic = three.
2. Best Buy Geek Squad
You, with your stupid little ties and dumbass emo glasses. I hate you. Enough said. #2.
1. Tiny bikes
I realize I'm old every time I see an guy riding around on this:

Seriously, you look like an idiot. You don't look cool, and you aren't going to get chicks riding around on the bike I had when I was seven. Where are your little streamers? And what about the bell? Ringa-ding-ding, here comes an asshole! You peddled your way to number ONE.
10. The LonelyGirl15 Finale....
Okay, aside from the usual piss poor acting, the writing in the last 12 episodes was beyond awful. Here's a tip, assholes: if you want people to tune in for the second season, you need to create some kind of likeability in the characters. You failed miserably. So Bree "dies," and that Lauren idiot is whining about why Jonah hasn't yet realized that she's the girl for him? Are you kidding me? Dammit, we just watched about 250 episodes about Bree, and have been led to believe she's dead...and now we're supposed to give a shit about this whiny bitch? Hire someone to do your writing for you, seriously. You suck, and you're number ten.9. Julie Chen.
Considering how little we expect from news "personalities" and reality show hosts, one has to suck extra hard in order to be recognized for their ability to eat shit. Julie "But First" Chenbot has perfected the craft of suckiness - Vanilla Ice and Carlos Mencia could take lessons from her. How the hell is this dumbass on TV at all (*cough* married to the president of CBS)? Eight seasons of crap land the Chenbot at number nine.
8. Tealights.
You stupid candles piss me the fuck off. It gets dark at like nine, and maybe I'm not ready for bed four hours later. And yet you mock me and go out. Fuck you, assholes. I'll stay up as late as I want, you can't stop me. Seriously, I will throw your ass right in the trash and light up one of your friends. Actually, I won't, because I don't stay up until 5am (and what kind of loser blows out a tealight? I'll tell you what kind: the same kind that eats half a pack of M&M's, and saves the rest for "later"). You tealights are pathetic, and you come in at number eight.7. Boxes with handles that aren't equipped to handle their load.
That's right, beer 12 packs, this one's for you. Your little handles are worthless pieces of shit. Do you know how stupid I look when I'm walking out of the store, carrying you on your stupid little handle, and then you break on me? Asshole. The only way I could look any stupider is by carrying you under your dumbass bottom with both arms, which is what I have to do. You're lucky I'm not drunk when I buy you, or you'd get the ass kicking you deserve. Number seven.
6. Jet Blue
You want to strand me in NYC with no other means of getting home? Guess what, I found a way - a flipping rental car. Too bad I live in Colorado. Partner up with another airline so your customers will have an option outside of the two you gave me: (1) wait in JFK for five days until we get you on a flight, or (2) Get a hotel in MANHATTAN AT CHRISTMAS and wait those five days. You are number six.5. Gas prices
Yeah, maybe I should get my fat ass on my bike a bit more, but how can I do a WTF top ten in August 07 and not complain about gas prices? I hate you stupid prices, and the signs you hang out on. $5.4. Every "journalist" who's not Jim Lehrer or Christiane Amanpour (plus a few others, Lara Logan comes to mind; use your own judgement).
Do you think we give a crap about what Nicole Richie is doing these days? No. You know who does care? The people who watch the E! Channel. You like to mock me with your stupid suits and fancy dresses...you think you're smarter than me? You're celebrity obsessed whiny assholes, and you're also number four.
3. The MySpace Top Twelve
So if I don't answer your comment/message/IM right away, I get demoted on your top twelve? Is that supposed to hurt my feelings? It actually just makes me embarrassed that I'm friends with someone as superficial as you. Pathetic = three.2. Best Buy Geek Squad
You, with your stupid little ties and dumbass emo glasses. I hate you. Enough said. #2.1. Tiny bikes
I realize I'm old every time I see an guy riding around on this:

Seriously, you look like an idiot. You don't look cool, and you aren't going to get chicks riding around on the bike I had when I was seven. Where are your little streamers? And what about the bell? Ringa-ding-ding, here comes an asshole! You peddled your way to number ONE.
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