Monday, August 20, 2007

Yellowstone: The United States' First National Park

I had a glorious two weeks off this summer, and for one of those I managed to drag myself out of Colorado. Luckily, in this part of the country, you don't have to go far for an outstanding - and cheap - vacation. At 8:00am I dropped my dog off at Raintree Animal Hospital for boarding, and by early evening I had picked my sister up from the Jackson Hole airport and we had made it into Yellowstone National Park.

It's unbelievable, astonishing, majestic, breathtaking....insert complimentary adjective here. And, I must note, I've become quite the National Park snob since I now live 45 minutes from one of the best National Parks our great country has to offer: Rocky Mountain. Still, Yellowstone is different if for nothing but it's size. The main road is laid out in a figure eight style shape, and it takes at least three hours (assuming you're not delayed by bison on the road) to travel just one.

Since we only had three full days in the park, I quickly overcame my usual aversion to guided tours, and we spent the first day on the "Ring of Fire" trek, on which we saw bison, deer, elk, one wolf, and a bald eagle. And that's just the wildlife. Our first stops were at the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone's Upper and Lower Falls.
Save for Old Faithful, this may be the shot that Americans are most familiar with when it comes to Yellowstone. Due to a break in the river you cannot actually see both the Upper and Lower falls at the same time, so when you make it to the park be sure to make two stops. Get out, take in the falls, bust out your binocs and check for raptors along the walls of the cliff. I could have spent three days hiking around just this area.

From the falls we toured a few of the different hot springs/mud pits, and then made it to the park's #1 attraction: Old Faithful. This particular geyser is neither the biggest nor most frequent erupter in the park, but it is the most predictable. While we were there, it was going off approximately every 92 minutes, and there is so much to do around the site that the wait never seems long. Tina and I grabbed lunch in the cafeteria, foregoing the exquisite meals offered at the Old Faithful lodge due to lack of time and money, then headed back outside to write postcards while waiting for OF to amaze. It doesn't disappoint. There are two rows of benches that form a half circle around OF, and I'd guess that they can seat somewhere around 3000 people - we never got a seat. August in Yellowstone is a busy time, but you really can't complain when you're lucky enough to be standing right in front of what may be the most famous geological feature in the United States - and I sure didn't. I felt tremendously lucky to be there, just as I feel tremendously lucky to live in this part of the country - I've never lived in a place so beautiful, or had such easy access to the best the United States has to offer. Yay Colorado - Yay Wyoming! Anyway, moving on...

We made a few more stops on the way back up the lower loop, and were back to Canyon campground around five. We bought beer at $9.25 per six pack and returned to our campsite where we - I am so not kidding - drank beer at ate s'mores around the campfire. I even sprung for some good chocolate, not that Hershey's crap (you keep moving your plants out of the US, I won't buy your shit). Ok, this blog isn't about politics - so...that's right, mock away! I built a campfire, sat by it, fed birds and chipmunks, and ate s'mores...and it was awesome. City girl no more!

The next day we did the upper loop, making many stops along the way including one at Tower Falls (the first pic, featuring Tina). We eventually stopped for lunch in Gardiner, Montana. Yellowstone isn't entirely in Wyoming - it reaches into southern Montana and eastern Idaho. That's a kickass park, it refuses to be contained - actually (trivia), that's why it is the United States' first National Park. Surveyors back in the late 1800's couldn't exactly figure out what was where, and so it was decided it would be a National Park, not a State Park...so if you're ever on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, there you go. Send me a check! This pic was taken in Gardiner, looking back into the park. Note to future travelers: you're much better off eating in the park than in Gardiner...there's not much there, go figure. Still, it's a cute town with some really nice little shops - lots of chocolate.

On the way back down the loop we stopped in the Norris geyser basin, and braved the humidity and stench of sulfur to walk a ways down. I guess most people would think, if you've seen one geyser, you've seen them all, but apparently it doesn't take that much to excite my brain. Some geysers, like OF, go off multiple times daily...others, like those in Norris, have years in between eruptions. They are unpredictable, and those who see them erupt are in the right place at the right time - we didn't see anything major in Norris, but I was hoping the entire way through!

On our third and final full day we spent the morning going through the Lamar Valley, where we saw pronghorns, more bison, more deer...and a grizzly bear feasting on the remains of a bison carcass! He was huge (I assume it was a he since there were no cubs around), and it was incredible to see him - he had his feet on the top of the carcass, and his head buried right in the middle of it. There must have been about one hundred people gathered around (100 or so yards away...I realize the picture isn't much to you - sorry). We were incredibly lucky to see a grizzly, and I'll never forget it. We have black bears in Colorado, but no grizzlies - it was one of my favorite moments in the park.

From there, we moved on to our next campsite at Grant Village, which is right on Yellowstone Lake. After setting up, we headed back to OF for lunch, then up to my favorite part of the park: Grand Prismatic Springs.

This first image is of Excelsior geyser, which is so hot no bacteria can survive in it's pool. The steam you see coming off the top makes Wyoming feel just like Houston...here, however, the traffic is on foot. A bit further up the pathway is Grand Prismatic, which is slightly cooler, allowing the growth of the different kinds of thermophiles extremophiles (yup, i was paying attention) that give the pool it's striking color. You really need to see a photograph taken from above to appreciate the majesty of this pool. It's amazingly beautiful, and something I will never forget. It's about 250' x 350', making it the largest hot spring in the park. The picture here that clearly surpasses all taken by me is from skyimagelab.com, and gives you some idea as to the grandeur of Grand Prismatic.

We ended the day with feet in sand and beer in hand on the shore of Yellowstone Lake (*cough* which measures 140 square miles and is the highest alpine lake on the continent *cough*...are my random bits of trivia annoying yet?). I've never had a more enjoyable happy hour in all my life...it was warm and sunny, quiet and gorgeous. I wasn't quite ready to leave the next day, but at least I got to come back to Colorado - can't really complain about that, either.

Before I close, I'd like to recommend camping to all: at less than $20 per night, your whole stay is likely to be cheaper than one night in a hotel (they average around $150 a night). In July and August temperatures range from lows in the mid 40's to highs in the mid 80's, making camping the perfect choice. It's easy, low key and cheap - plus, who wants to be inside when you're in Yellowstone National Park?!?

Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed the pictures - and if you ever get a chance to visit Yellowstone, consider yourself very lucky...and enjoy every minute.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

What the Fuck???? My first "Top Ten"

The top ten things that make me go......"What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck?"

10. The LonelyGirl15 Finale....

Okay, aside from the usual piss poor acting, the writing in the last 12 episodes was beyond awful. Here's a tip, assholes: if you want people to tune in for the second season, you need to create some kind of likeability in the characters. You failed miserably. So Bree "dies," and that Lauren idiot is whining about why Jonah hasn't yet realized that she's the girl for him? Are you kidding me? Dammit, we just watched about 250 episodes about Bree, and have been led to believe she's dead...and now we're supposed to give a shit about this whiny bitch? Hire someone to do your writing for you, seriously. You suck, and you're number ten.

9. Julie Chen.

Considering how little we expect from news "personalities" and reality show hosts, one has to suck extra hard in order to be recognized for their ability to eat shit. Julie "But First" Chenbot has perfected the craft of suckiness - Vanilla Ice and Carlos Mencia could take lessons from her. How the hell is this dumbass on TV at all (*cough* married to the president of CBS)? Eight seasons of crap land the Chenbot at number nine.

8. Tealights.

You stupid candles piss me the fuck off. It gets dark at like nine, and maybe I'm not ready for bed four hours later. And yet you mock me and go out. Fuck you, assholes. I'll stay up as late as I want, you can't stop me. Seriously, I will throw your ass right in the trash and light up one of your friends. Actually, I won't, because I don't stay up until 5am (and what kind of loser blows out a tealight? I'll tell you what kind: the same kind that eats half a pack of M&M's, and saves the rest for "later"). You tealights are pathetic, and you come in at number eight.

7. Boxes with handles that aren't equipped to handle their load.

That's right, beer 12 packs, this one's for you. Your little handles are worthless pieces of shit. Do you know how stupid I look when I'm walking out of the store, carrying you on your stupid little handle, and then you break on me? Asshole. The only way I could look any stupider is by carrying you under your dumbass bottom with both arms, which is what I have to do. You're lucky I'm not drunk when I buy you, or you'd get the ass kicking you deserve. Number seven.

6. Jet Blue

You want to strand me in NYC with no other means of getting home? Guess what, I found a way - a flipping rental car. Too bad I live in Colorado. Partner up with another airline so your customers will have an option outside of the two you gave me: (1) wait in JFK for five days until we get you on a flight, or (2) Get a hotel in MANHATTAN AT CHRISTMAS and wait those five days. You are number six.

5. Gas prices

Yeah, maybe I should get my fat ass on my bike a bit more, but how can I do a WTF top ten in August 07 and not complain about gas prices? I hate you stupid prices, and the signs you hang out on. $5.



4. Every "journalist" who's not Jim Lehrer or Christiane Amanpour (plus a few others, Lara Logan comes to mind; use your own judgement).

Do you think we give a crap about what Nicole Richie is doing these days? No. You know who does care? The people who watch the E! Channel. You like to mock me with your stupid suits and fancy dresses...you think you're smarter than me? You're celebrity obsessed whiny assholes, and you're also number four.

3. The MySpace Top Twelve

So if I don't answer your comment/message/IM right away, I get demoted on your top twelve? Is that supposed to hurt my feelings? It actually just makes me embarrassed that I'm friends with someone as superficial as you. Pathetic = three.


2. Best Buy Geek Squad

You, with your stupid little ties and dumbass emo glasses. I hate you. Enough said. #2.


1. Tiny bikes

I realize I'm old every time I see an guy riding around on this:



Seriously, you look like an idiot. You don't look cool, and you aren't going to get chicks riding around on the bike I had when I was seven. Where are your little streamers? And what about the bell? Ringa-ding-ding, here comes an asshole! You peddled your way to number ONE.